7 Questions to Ask Your Teen That’ll Bring You Closer

Because “How was school?” just doesn’t cut it anymore.

Let’s be honest—talking to your teen can sometimes feel like trying to text with no signal. You ask a question, and all you get is a shrug, a grunt, or a “fine.” And if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably wondered: “Am I doing this right? Do they even want to talk to me anymore?”

Here’s the good news: they do.
They just don’t want small talk. They want real talk.
The trick is asking the right kind of questions—the ones that say, “I see you. I’m here. No judgment.”

Here are 7 questions I’ve started asking my own teen that have led to deeper chats, more laughter, and even a few eye rolls (which still count as engagement, right? 😉)

1. “What’s something that made you laugh today?”

I love starting with this one. It’s light, it’s fun, and sometimes it opens the door to a whole story I would’ve missed. I’ve got to know more about his friends, his teachers, and how he spends his free time at school simply because of this question.

2. “What’s something small you wish I noticed about you?”

This one hit me in the gut the first time I asked it. Turns out, they wanted me to notice how they always clear the table—even when no one asks. Lesson learned.

3. “What’s something that’s been looping in your head lately?”

You know those nights when they’re tossing and turning, eyes wide open even though it’s late? This question gently opens a door. No pressure. Just curiosity—and a chance for them to name the thing they can’t quite shake off. Don’t take it as a problem you need to solve for them. Sometimes all they need is for someone to listen. Give advice only if they ask for it.

4. “What’s your favourite thing that we do? Just the two of us? (Or as a family?)”

You might be surprised by the answer. My son told me he likes our after dinner chats. Something I didn’t even realise was important to him. But now, I make sure I make time for it every night.

5. “What’s something I do that annoys you… but you don’t know how to tell me?”

Whew. This one takes courage. But you’re modeling vulnerability. And that’s how connection grows. Be prepared for something you don’t want to hear. The important thing here is to listen without judgement. You may not agree with it. You may have your reasons for doing whatever it is that annoys them. But this is a safe space and you cannot judge them or give excuses. For once, you just have to listen, accept and say that you will try to be better.

6. “Who’s someone you look up to right now? And why?”

You get a peek into their world—their values, their dreams, the qualities they admire (which often reflect their own hidden strengths).

7. “What do you need more of from me this week: space, support, or snacks?”

Sometimes, they’ll say all three. 😂 But it gives them the steering wheel, and you? You get to meet them exactly where they are. The important thing is to ensure you give them at least some of what they ask for in the week.

8. “Want to just hang out—no agenda?”

I know I said 7 (I can count!) But this is a bonus.

Not every moment needs a “deep question.” Sometimes, just sitting together, watching a show or baking something silly, says more than words. Try it. They may say ‘No.’ But they will know that you want to and like to spend time with them. They still crave that bond, even though it may not always be very obvious.

🌱 Final Thoughts

These aren’t magic spells. You won’t always get long answers—or answers at all. But every time you ask, you’re planting a seed. You’re saying, “I care, I’m here, and I want to know the real you—even on the days you push me away.”

So go ahead. Try one tonight. See where it leads.